I try to understand why a rule exists before deciding if it's bullshit or if I should follow it. I also try to get an idea of what the fallout is for breaking it.

If the reason for the rule makes sense, it's much easier to follow it even if I don't like it. If it doesn't, it's harder. If it doesn't make sense, and I am unlikely to see the consequences or the consequences are mild? Fuck that rule, it goes in the dumpster to be set on fire. If the consequences are gonna be pretty annoying or bad? I will at least try to follow bullshit rules, if only to avoid having to deal with the bad stuff.

I was raised by rule followers to be a rule follower. And in true AuDHD fashion, I follow some rules and not others, and create rules I can’t always be arsed to follow.

I generally try to avoid conflict with authority tho, so maybe that’s my divining rod.

As a kid, so much of the world was chaotic nonsense. But I also learned far too young that people don't want to have their hypocrisy exposed, or their contradictions illuminated, or their lies detangled. Conversations about busted rules only ended up with people mad at me, so I stopped.

Instead, I wanted to be A Good Kid. I tried to follow rules which didn't cost too much, or had the most visibility. But even then, I could tell that following rules for their own sake didn't make any sense. The whole Pearly Gates thing never rang true for me.

Fast-forward to adulthood and so much of that ended up internalized. Even when I didn't follow the rules, I was subconsciously constrained by the anticipated consequences to breaking them. To the point of paranoia, because I'd learned the high cost of being visible.

These days, I find most rules arbitrary and ignore them until I get a chance to align on them. The potential consequences no longer outweigh the high cost of being miserable every day.