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There were three men came out of the West
Three kings both great and high
And they have sworn a solemn oath
John Mastodon must die.

They took a tank and ran him down
With bullets in his head
And they have sworn a solemn oath
John Mastodon was dead

But when the Spring came kindly on
And showers began to fall
John Mastodon got up again
And did surprise them all...

in reply to Neil Gaiman

I see you haven't tweeted this on the other place. I'll RT if you do. If you don't, we'll all understand why. Whoever he appoints to be his stooge will have as much of a humor bypass as he himself does.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I didn't notice. While I've no intention of deactivating my other account I rarely even visit it anymore and scared of tweeting anything due to his sensitivity and humor bypass. I hope as time goes by you prioritize this site more than the other one to accelerate the #TwitterMigration from all your three million followers. The more you build this account the quicker they will come.
Questa voce Γ¨ stata modificata (1 anno fa)
in reply to Neil Gaiman

If I was John Mastodon, I would be pretty perturbed that someone ran me over with a tank. I would not be inviting those three Western Men over for tea. Not at all.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I will now be singing this to myself for the rest of the day. It’s a good thing I’m working from home this week.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

this has to be one of the best takes of #JohnMastodon I’ve seen.

Also, we can all sing it together, over a good cup brewed from John’s bones.

in reply to Neil Gaiman

and thus Mastadon Mythology was born. Looking forward to the comic book series and eventual Netflix series.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I recognise that song! Well done.

πŸ˜€

I shall have to go listen to John Barleycorn now...

in reply to Neil Gaiman

GREAT, now I'm gonna sing that damn song for a week. Thanks.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

thank you! my partner really loves John Barleycorn (he listened to it as a kid and didn't learn about the allegory until he was a little older).
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I can't put into words how happy I am to have you in this space to fill our timelines with little gems like this.

Also, can't wait for your next book! 😊

in reply to Neil Gaiman

Now, sing this to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme song...

You're welcome.

in reply to Neil Gaiman

Wasn't there just *one* man from the West...not so much of a king as he thought... and definitely not as great (but probably high)... who has sworn that solemn oath
"John Mastodon must die"?
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I have had this album since high school! Traffic! πŸ˜€
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I don't know, but maybe this is news to @johnmastodon. Probably not though. πŸ˜‰
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Seeing this poem in your next anthology book of short stories would be the most wonderful thing ever.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Thanks for your poem. I really enjoyed reading it, a wonderful moment during an exceptionally icy evening at the end of a bleak year - I'd be happy JM surprises us all.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Reading that, this inspiration particle just floated into my mind:

Yeah, John Mastodon,
Social media icon,
They put some poison into his wine.

Yeah, John Mastodon,
Federated mighty-mon,
He drank it all and said "I feel fine!"

(I'm sure the tune will stay in my head until I've come up with the whole song.)

in reply to Neil Gaiman

While not written as a poem this very much reminds me of the novel Matigari
in reply to Neil Gaiman

For reference purposes only: youtube.com/watch?v=LdI057Rs3w… #Traffic #SteveWinwood
in reply to Neil Gaiman

The Man in Black fled across the desert, and John Mastodon followed.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

was kicking around the idea of a version of John Brown's Body but Mastodon has too many syllables and this is much better
in reply to Neil Gaiman

brilliant!

had this track going through my head the whole time reading it too:

youtube.com/watch?v=lYMW24HgGV…

in reply to Neil Gaiman

But could they malt him, grind him, and make him into nut brown ale? Or whiskey in the glass (counting on which version you're running with)? The resulting tooting might be very interesting...
in reply to Neil Gaiman

love John "Barleycorn" Mastodon

Would you mind boosting my #disabled #catdad #evicted #gofundme in the spirit of St
John "Wenceslaus" Mastodon's charity? Be a #mensch ; do a #mitzvah for Hanukkah and #charity for #BoxingDay.

#ThankYou gofund.me/57d2e9b9

in reply to Neil Gaiman

I think there is a tune that works with this. I am humming it right now. Maybe we should reach out to Steve Windwood and see if he can put a little something together.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

if we can get Zack de la Rocha to read this my life will be complete ❀️✊🦣
in reply to Neil Gaiman

He got knocked down, but he got up again. They’re never gonna keep him down, so to speak.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I can just hear Stevie Winwood and Traffic singing this to the tune of β€œJohn Barleycorn Must Die” πŸ˜‰
in reply to Neil Gaiman

And lo, it happened that Neil Gaiman himself wrote an ode to the mighty #JohnMastodon, and there was much rejoicing in the lands.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

It's so good to see Neil Gaiman active across the internet.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Thank you for reminding me of this. Classic. Now I get to go play in traffic.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Does it matter if I read that in Steve Winwood's voice?
It just came in that way..
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I have the feeling this is a fantasy setting, but I'm picturing a cowboy showdown lol
in reply to Neil Gaiman

My main question is: what were the kings snorting and where can I get it?
in reply to Neil Gaiman

John Mastodon, you master of all whom decide to master each disaster that they pass - or, better still, possess. Deliver us from Elon, lest that Tesla Beast distress us each with brass and whimpering fire, or snot nosed cheek.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

this reminds me of the Sea Shanty craze from a while ago… can we have a John Mastodon shanty?
in reply to Neil Gaiman

πŸ‘€
Holy moly! #JohnMastodon origin story incoming courtesy of comic book writer & author of several amazing books turned into television series.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Don't know about everyone else, but in my head this was sung by Johnny Cash πŸ–€
in reply to Neil Gaiman

brilliant, though I prefer John Barleycorn 🀣🀣🀣
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Nothing like a little resurrection ballad for the holiday, thanks! Now if someone could sing that to us…
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Shouldn't have took more than you gave, John Mastodon.
Then we wouldn't be in this mess today
I know we've all gone different ways
But the dues we've gonna pay still the same
It's time to change the script for this old play
You're readin' and not feelin' what you say
Comin' on too strong for me to stay
Interpret what you see in any way
It seems the simple things
Are hardest to explain
Wind is gonna come too soon
And deaden all the pain
Footprints in the snow will show...
in reply to Neil Gaiman

This may be my fav John Mastodon take next to the one by @YaleDivinitySchool β€œAny study of #JohnMastodon must include parallel study of Mark, Matthew, and Luke Mastodon” πŸ€£πŸ‘ and of course the #verified fact that John owns a tiny flock of #ChickensInSweaterVests
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I want a Death spin off series on Netflix. Kirby Howell-Baptiste is amazing. Please and thank you!
in reply to Neil Gaiman

"And little Sir John and the nut-brown bowl
And his brandy in the glass;
And little Sir John and the nut-brown bowl
Proved the strongest man at last.

The huntsman, he can't hunt the fox
Nor so loudly to blow his horn
And the tinker he can't mend kettle nor pot
Without a little Mastodon."

in reply to Neil Gaiman

I am earwormed with the Imagined Village version of the original song now, only with these words. :-D
in reply to Neil Gaiman

There's an old German song just like this.

Auf einem Baum ein Kuckuck, –
Sim sa la bim, bam ba, sa la du, sa la dim
Auf einem Baum ein Kuckuck saß.

de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auf_eine…

in reply to Neil Gaiman

I don't drink, and I instantly descended three sheets deep to sing this as deserved. Well done.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

🎢Soon may the Wellerman come
To bring us sugar and tea and rum
One day, when the tonguing is done
We'll take our leave and go🎢

I'll let myself out

in reply to Neil Gaiman

John Mastodon is to Twitter killers as John Wick is to dog killers. Their nemesis... or as that character Bricktop from "Snatch" put it "righteous retribution by an appropriate agent" (and I'll spare you the rest).
in reply to Neil Gaiman

The King of Birds took up his sword
And cast his solemn vow.
No mortal men shall say his name,
Else he be stricken down.

And all his jesters clapped and cheered
For speech was freed that day
Except for all the speech
They didn't want someone to say.

But John Mastodon, his eyes afire
Grinned his tusky grin, elated
"I am no mortal man," said he.
"I am... federated."

in reply to Neil Gaiman

Nice parody on the old British drinking song, one of my favorite folk songs actually.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

for anyone who doesn’t recognise the lyrics:

music.apple.com/au/album/john-…

in reply to Neil Gaiman

having left the bird years ago as an utterly useless place to read, or engage, finding this as the very first post to read has made me feel that perhaps this can be a new home. And what a wonderful post it is. Thank you for showing me that intelligence and wit still exist somewhere on this planet! πŸ™
in reply to Neil Gaiman

this is brilliant. Thank you!

Here, a 21st century cyber-medium combined with a great human legacy - humankind's age-old gift of story and allegory to teach, illustrate and illuminate life's most important lessons.

Surprise them we shall.

in reply to Neil Gaiman

I read that in your voice of course.
So glad to be following you here as well.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I think I can sing that to the tune of Traffic’s John Barelycorn. I assume that is not an accident.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Wonderful poetry from my absolute favorite author of all time!
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I owe the fact that I got this reference entirely to my brother, Doug Fieger. Love you and miss you, Doug.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Sounds like a Chuck Norris theory, jajajaja 🀣
in reply to Neil Gaiman

This song has been in my head for the last few days, too!
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Bears a striking resemblance to John Barleycorn. Perennial, is he? ;>)
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I saw him kill 3 men in a bar... with a pencil
A trio of murders with a writing utensil
So now I pass down the Mastodon saga
The man, the myth, the Baba Yaga
in reply to Neil Gaiman

you are a very silly manβ€”this is one of the reasons you are so much fun as a creator.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

sounds like the story of Victor Jara as Arlo tells it: youtube.com/watch?v=V4BdVB5t_V…
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Oh good, I'm not the only one committing such crimes against the British folkloric canon πŸ™‚

Here's mine, for posterity:
cloudisland.nz/@DrCuriosity/10…

in reply to Neil Gaiman

...From dawn till dusk was Elon Musk
a-dancing on the grave,
believing he had slain his foe,
John Mastodon the brave.

Musk knew not of the Fediverse,
with servers far and wide.
From there sprung a new Mastodon,
and there Musk's dream hath died.

in reply to Neil Gaiman

So it is with the kin to John Barleycorn and all the strangers, cousins, and #GoodFolk See β€œBritish Fairy Tales” for inspiration, one of our current reads ;)
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I am so glad social media exists so when creatives like Neil Gaiman come up with little gems like this they share it with the world directly and immediately for us to enjoy. (Captain Obvious checking in)
in reply to Andi 🌻 Last

tangent on social media and creativity

@Andi 🌻 Last

Not to belittle @Neil Gaiman's creativity (I am willing to pay money to enjoy the output of said creativity), but I'm even more glad that social media exists so that we can all enjoy the work of other, lesser known, people whose creativity, while great, takes forms that are less marketable (and admittedly, require less time commitment than writing, say, a full novel), and thus wouldn't have a chance of being distributed through traditional media.

Andi 🌻 Last reshared this.

in reply to Neil Gaiman

Wonderful. It seems the tradition of John Henry and Paul Bunyan has come back to life. The tall tale lives on!
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Consider Joan Mastodon

Sister Joan found him in the ice
Carried the frozen body to her home
In the nights by the fire
Healed his heart

Meanwhile, Joan prepared weapons
In the first rain of spring
the heroes stood side by side
against the wild kings

Go on
Joan and John Mastodon

in reply to Neil Gaiman

Glad you made the switch here Neil, and looking forward to more Sandman, always wondered what happened with that Mister E, Constantine, Sandman crossover back in the 90's, I sort of got older and real life dramas took over, unfinished mystery I guess.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

The North is full of tangled things and texts and aching eyes
And dead is all the innocence of anger and surprise,
And Christian hateth Mary that God kissed in Galilee,
But John Mastodon of Austria is riding to the sea.
John Mastodon calling through the blast and the eclipse
Crying with the trumpet, with the trumpet of his lips,
Trumpet that sayeth ha!
Domino gloria!
John Mastodon of Austria
Is shouting to the ships.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

...Rev. Canobite can't bite as hard
Leaving deep wounds on the Con,
And pipe-smoking "Bob" can't beam as bright
Without a little Masto-
** CORRECTION **
without a little mass .. to... donnnn...
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I was hit by a toyota corolla in the parking lot of a target once but that's as close as it gets
in reply to Neil Gaiman

When a meme gets so serious that @neilhimself joins the fun with a Traffic filk, you know shit's getting real.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Thank you, Neil.

I called for this specific filking back on #JohnMastodon Day, but never imagined you would be the one to fulfill it.

in reply to Neil Gaiman

And thanks to this I'm once again hooked on listening to Traffic's early catalog. :)
in reply to Neil Gaiman

I dreamed I saw John Mastodon,
Alive as you and me.
Says I "But John, you're ten years dead"
"I never died" says he,
"I never died" says he.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

Once again Neil shows that it is possible for a really great talent to make it to the top.
in reply to Neil Gaiman

#JohnMastodon is my heart-throb, my husbando, my one-itis, my top kink!

If I wasn't such a Garbo Goblin, I'd probably swear off all lesser men for John Mastodon!

in reply to Neil Gaiman

Wait - did I miss the creation of the mastodon.barleycorn instance?

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