I was very excited for Boiler Room last night and thought "oh sure, I can do a mixed crowd, they're on party drugs, they'll be friendly" but no!
Constantly buffeted by heterosexuals. Everyone with their shirts on. Paying attention to the DJ instead of dancing with each other. Never making eye contact. Perfume instead of sniffing pits. Watched one woman, screaming, get dragged out of the VIP section with her hands behind her back. I have never felt a more threatening bathroom aura in my life.
@nyxallocer I do not want the straight girls giggling and making fun of us in the Hole but having seen what their alternatives are I do understand how we got here
it truly is tragic tbh. I fear for the day Straight women feel comfortable coming to my local leather bar, but it's in such a small space o doubt they would on the nights I go lol.
I am incredibly uncomfortable dancing and cannot for the life of me understand how people derive pleasure from it, a feeling I would not attribute first to my sexuality.
But I’m guessing most the men you’re describing aren’t shy autists there to hear a cool set live. Sorry it wasn’t enjoyable, I’m grossed out at your descriptions, ugh 😞
@yarndragon No! My life is perfect, I have never been scared of dancing, I do not have chronic fatigue, and I cannot use the internet to search for events, or look up the web sites of nearby venues. I most certainly did not spend years of my life--often very awkwardly!--making a concerted effort to go to social events, talk to strangers, and try new things which I thought were impossible. Consequently I am afraid it was quite impossible for me to go dancing this weekend; I made it all up!
@yarndragon In all earnestness--take this personally! Instead of dropping into a stranger's mentions to complain that you want to do something but it's impossible--instead of assuming they face no challenges themselves--start looking for ways to work through or with your obstacles so you can experience--if not all--at least some of the life you want.
Twenty years ago, I would have viewed what I did last weekend as categorically impossible. I hope, twenty years from now, you'll feel the same.
this phenomenon is not exclusive to cishet men but
it absolutely drives me wild to be interrupted dancing because some guy bumped me out of the way so he could get closer to the stage and it’s way worse at straight shows 😤😤😤
@phillmv there is an art to moving through crowds amicably! The shoulder or hip touch, the smile and eye contact, "pardon me, thank you"... Just absent from this particular subcultural gathering
i don’t link to this essay lightly because it is a behemoth but you might like this “Vibing in Queer Spaces” subsection i wrote earlier this year: okayfail.com/2024/my-year-of-r…
In my third year of being trans, I discovered that I like dancing. This was a surprise. Dancing is meditative, therapeutic – healing even. Now I try to go dancing as often as I can. This the story of how I learned I love to dance.
@phillmv this is fantastic and I've read several sections now, thank you. And yes, I feel this line in particular: "There were just way more straight people (men) around. Are the straights OK?"
I was trying to explain to a friend that sometimes around true circuit queens I feel uninteresting, but never *unrecognized*, and that felt like the key with the straight crowd last night. With the gays, I can get a little eye contact and a grin out of most anyone, even if I know I'm not their cup of tea
@phillmv there's a "hey, I see you, we're all here to have fun" vibe, that tends to hit around midnight to two at good dance parties that I so appreciate.
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Exploring
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •École des Bro-Arts
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •I was very excited for Boiler Room last night and thought "oh sure, I can do a mixed crowd, they're on party drugs, they'll be friendly" but no!
Constantly buffeted by heterosexuals. Everyone with their shirts on. Paying attention to the DJ instead of dancing with each other. Never making eye contact. Perfume instead of sniffing pits. Watched one woman, screaming, get dragged out of the VIP section with her hands behind her back. I have never felt a more threatening bathroom aura in my life.
toddbuddy
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •Nyx Allocer @ Home
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •OOF
Yeah the Str8s have ATROCIOUS vibes I find. Anytime I enter a space that's not mostly queer I feel the aura and go "Y'all live like this?"
École des Bro-Arts
in reply to Nyx Allocer @ Home • • •Nyx Allocer @ Home
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •Jason Petersen (he)
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •I am incredibly uncomfortable dancing and cannot for the life of me understand how people derive pleasure from it, a feeling I would not attribute first to my sexuality.
But I’m guessing most the men you’re describing aren’t shy autists there to hear a cool set live. Sorry it wasn’t enjoyable, I’m grossed out at your descriptions, ugh 😞
@biscuit_pup
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •ugh, that stinks.
Who was the DJ? I regularly watch their sets on YouTube and would love to play "Find the Aphyr".
École des Bro-Arts
in reply to @biscuit_pup • • •Please Gently the Dragon
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •École des Bro-Arts
in reply to Please Gently the Dragon • • •Elena ``of Valhalla''
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • •like this
Alexandre Oliva e Please Gently the Dragon like this.
Please Gently the Dragon
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •Please Gently the Dragon
in reply to Please Gently the Dragon • • •and even if I did have that kind of community, I wouldn't have the energy to go out anyway
you are clearly someone who has none of these problems
École des Bro-Arts
in reply to Please Gently the Dragon • • •Please Gently the Dragon
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •École des Bro-Arts
in reply to Please Gently the Dragon • • •@yarndragon In all earnestness--take this personally! Instead of dropping into a stranger's mentions to complain that you want to do something but it's impossible--instead of assuming they face no challenges themselves--start looking for ways to work through or with your obstacles so you can experience--if not all--at least some of the life you want.
Twenty years ago, I would have viewed what I did last weekend as categorically impossible. I hope, twenty years from now, you'll feel the same.
Elena ``of Valhalla'' likes this.
Please Gently the Dragon
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •filipa mv
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •this phenomenon is not exclusive to cishet men but
it absolutely drives me wild to be interrupted dancing because some guy bumped me out of the way so he could get closer to the stage and it’s way worse at straight shows 😤😤😤
atrocious vibes all around
École des Bro-Arts
in reply to filipa mv • • •filipa mv
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •My Year of Raves
okayfail.comÉcole des Bro-Arts
in reply to filipa mv • • •@phillmv this is fantastic and I've read several sections now, thank you. And yes, I feel this line in particular: "There were just way more straight people (men) around. Are the straights OK?"
I was trying to explain to a friend that sometimes around true circuit queens I feel uninteresting, but never *unrecognized*, and that felt like the key with the straight crowd last night. With the gays, I can get a little eye contact and a grin out of most anyone, even if I know I'm not their cup of tea
École des Bro-Arts
in reply to École des Bro-Arts • • •